Transforming Tama Snare Stand: A Horror Story

One Monday morning, in my usual zombie-like state, I went to the kitchen to get water. I noticed the microwave clock was one hour behind, so I changed it. Then I saw the wall clock was also one hour behind but I was like, forget this noise, I have to get to work.

When I got outside, it was darker than usual and there were less people around. Halfway to the station I started getting suspicious. An exchange with a lone pedestrian confirmed my worst fears. It turns out my cellphone had ruined my life.

You know how phones sync their clocks with satellites or something so they’re always right? Well apparently my phone decided to jump forward an hour, making me an hour early for work. What a way to start the week.

By the time I got there, my phone had corrected itself, so my morning alarm went off again. It was like one of those bad nightmares where you wake up twice except this one was ALL REAL.

I used the extra time to post this ad on craigslist. The cursed item was sold by the afternoon, and my cell phone has never woken me up extra early since. Coincidence? Doubtful…

Transforming Tama snare stand

Look at this frikkin Tama snare stand. It’s heavy duty, it’s industrial, it’s a god damn Transformer. Probably a Decepticon.

I’m serious, the feet swivel out to transform from rubber pads to deadly metal spikes. This bad boy will hold up your snare drum on carpeted terrain or hardwood floors.

The thing that adjusts the tilt of the drum is fused shut by some dark alien space goo, probably AllSpark residue. Now you have no choice but to play with your snare laying flat, the chosen snare angle of battling alien robots from outer space.

Buy this thing already before it tears my face open in the middle of the night with its spiky metal feet of doom.

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